I was talking with a couple of friends recently, to catch up after weeks of not having spoken to or seen each other thanks to the nifty pandemic currently going on, and the conversation eventually drifted into details about my current relationship, or actually lack thereof. After a bit of time of being in an off-again/on-again situation, with some great ups and very not-so-great downs, that relationship recently devolved into a final “off” status. While discussing it and describing some of the reasons for its demise, including what I perceived was a constant need from my former girlfriend for reassurance of my feelings for her through daily communication, initiated in large part by me, one of the friends mentioned something that struck me as incredibly profound. To paraphrase: “Some people are willing to give up 80% of what they do have in a relationship, to chase after the 20% that they want and don’t have.”
My friend’s words were so elegantly and simply stated, that they made a tremendous impact on me and my thought process regarding that failed relationship, as well as other aspects of my life at the moment. With regards to the relationship, it’s disheartening to consider that of all the things that I intentionally brought to it and to the life of my former, somehow it wasn’t enough due to the absence of the other things I didn’t bring. But, it just serves as evidence of the validity of those words of enlightenment – the person I was with chose that 20% of great things she didn’t get, but desperately wanted, as absolutely more significant than the 80% of great things she received but never really had to demand. And that, is the 80/20 gamble – can one be completely satisfied with the 80%, with the possibility of the 20% never coming to fruition; or, is pursuit, and possibility of the attainment, of the 20% worth the risk of losing the other 80?
Considering the weight of the gamble has made me re-evaluate some things in my own life, both professionally and personally. With regards to the latter, it’s probably no surprise that going forward I’ll now place even more consideration into whom I choose to date, and absolutely more into with whom I choose to pursue a more dedicated relationship. But even with the former, I’m choosing to think a bit more objectively about the future and what I consider deficiencies in that for which I’m searching and hoping. My current job drives me a bit crazy from day to day – lots of paperwork, over-communication regarding the insignificant and little communication and the need for re-communication for the important, lackluster support from teams on which I’m dependent, a predominant shifting-priorities environment most of the time, and very little software development in a senior software engineering role. In all transparency those things are my 20%, the things I’d like to have adjusted, or in some cases removed altogether, in my current role. But when giving credence to the 80/20, my job is stable (as much as can be expected considering the state of the world), I’m familiar with my role and responsibilities (which lends itself to at least a ground level of comfort due to being relatively prepared), I’m paid well for my work, and those business members I support for the most part acknowledge and appreciate my efforts; plus, there’s always the old adage that “nowhere is perfect”, so a new position would present its own set of challenges as well.
Until this point, I’d been passively (but attentively) seeking out new potential gigs to replace my current one but, after really giving my friend’s wisdom a lot of serious thought, I’m stepping back a little. If a golden opportunity presents itself to me, not checking every box but providing some large degree of personal interest and peace from God regarding its consideration, I’ll absolutely entertain it, at least to discover more about it. Pending that though, I suppose it’s time to learn to be grateful for what is and to be less concerned with what isn’t, in all aspects of living. Gotta grow sometime…